so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
