So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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