Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
