She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
