i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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