just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
