Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
