look no pants
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
