I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
