as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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