Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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