I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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