i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
