My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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