I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
