i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
