Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
