oh god the rape fog is back!
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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