maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
