Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
