sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
