I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
