it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
