i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
