Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You took a bar mat shot.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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