Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
