In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
