your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
