You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
