if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
