i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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