So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
