There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
