and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
