but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
