I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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