cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
