i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
