4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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