Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
