Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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