Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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