Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
