You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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