There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
