I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
