I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
