You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
