Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
