There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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